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WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES

Excerpt from a Dog’s Diary……. .

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpt from a Cat’s Diary…


Day 983 of my captivity… .

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’

I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.


The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
jbn19872005
Jul. 13th, 2010 04:04 pm (UTC)
LOL Sammy!

I remember reading something like this years ago so thank you for posting.

I knew I should never trust a cat :P

insaniteetti
Jul. 13th, 2010 04:42 pm (UTC)
Hahahahhaha!! Too accurate:D
happy_overdose
Jul. 13th, 2010 08:24 pm (UTC)
This. is. excellent.

I'm laughing in my head so that the people in the lab ith me won't think I'm weird.
sopranozone
Jul. 13th, 2010 10:02 pm (UTC)
XD. YES. This is both my cat, and my dog. THANK YOU.
tiredmomof2
Jul. 17th, 2010 09:12 am (UTC)
LOL! That was very cute!!
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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